The Moment: Sarcastic Humor

Dear Anne Marie: I provide administrative support for a busy office of professionals. I am timely, efficient and courteous and I take pride in anticipating everyone's needs. My problem? One of the men I support frequently makes sarcastic remarks. When I speak to him about it he insists he is joking and tells me I am too sensitive. How can I make him stop?
   — Jody G.

Dear Jody: You are confident, poised and professional. You take pride in your high standards of excellence, always striving to give more than your job requires. In your "rule book" there is no excuse for shoddy work or disrespectful behavior.

Managing The Moment

The "Moment to Manage" is your feeling of anger. Anger, at its best, lets you know something is wrong. At its worst, anger becomes a habit—a knee jerk reaction whenever things don't go your way. It is wise to glean the nuggets of information anger brings and then immediately, and relentlessly, scour every trace of anger out of your system.

The Game Plan

First, practice healthy self-defense. Refuse to dwell on his negative behavior and refrain from rehashing it with others. Prepare for meetings with him by adopting a solid business attitude. Remember, healthy self-defense is most effective when it is motivated by a desire to take care of you vs. an attempt to get even with him.

Second, expect him to continue being sarcastic. By expecting him to change, you are continually "surprised" and angered when he makes a sarcastic remark. What would you say or do if you knew for a fact that he would never change?

Third, act as though he were behaving appropriately. Pretend he is speaking politely and only respond to courteous business requests. Refuse to be drawn in to his shenanigans; this is 13-year-old behavior and you don't have to play.

Fourth, find something to appreciate about him. Create a list of his positive qualities and strengths. Make a sincere effort to feel genuine appreciation for the items on the list. This will help you sustain a more balanced point of view, which is essential if you are to establish a good working relationship with him.

Finally, in the real world, not everything gets fixed. Take care in deciding which battles are worth fighting. Knowing when and how to "walk away" is just as important as knowing how to "hang in there" and work things out.