Dear Anne Marie: I am an internal consultant. Several departments have to go through me for final approval before they implement their plans. I'm getting the reputation as a 'No' person. As a matter of fact, when 'No' is the right answer, others who don't want to say it send people to me to do the dirty work! This is starting to feel uncomfortable. I want to be part of the team and yet it appears no one wants to work with me. Can you help?
    — Matt D.

Dear Matt: Without a doubt, you are a strong person who is able to make and execute difficult decisions. You are tenacious in your commitment to do what is right for your organization, doggedly avoiding the trap of making 'feel good' decisions. Clearly, you are worthy of the high level of responsibility that you have been given.

Managing The Moment

The "Moment to Manage" is your feeling of being burdened. You value connection and you value integrity; yet when you do what's right, you feel cut off from others, while a 'feel good' decision threatens your sense of honor. Left unmanaged, the feeling of being burdened will strip the creative juice from the decision-making process and turn it into a tiresome chore.

The Game Plan

First, choose to be outstanding. Have you ever noticed that when a smoker quits smoking or a fat person becomes thin, other people secretly resent them? Or how about the kid at school who is afraid to do well because other kids will make fun of him? Defy peer pressure and have the courage not to be average.

Second, lead with 'Yes.' Generally there are reasons for saying 'No' to requests. Turn these reasons into objectives to be met in order for a project to receive a green light. This is vastly different from starting with 'No' and listing 'why not.'

Third, say 'No' to take care of yourself. When people are inappropriately directed to you to hear an unwelcomed 'No' to a project, refuse to be the bearer of bad news. Refer them to the correct person for the information they seek and hold the bottom line of your professional integrity.

Fourth, assume a leadership role in the group. Your co-workers could use your support, encouragement and skills in executing tough decisions. Be the person they turn to for valued guidance.

Finally, have concrete, long-term professional goals. Having long-term goals can help take the significance out of the hurtful and unfair events that