Dear Anne Marie: I've been with the same company for almost ten years. The work is great; the pay and benefits are excellent; the commute is bearable. And it's the kind of work that makes me feel I'm contributing something to my community. One problem: I don't get along with my supervisor. I feel like I am caught between a rock and the proverbial hard place. Can't I have my cake and eat it too?
    —Elaine K.

Dear Elaine: You are a loyal worker whose world view expands beyond herself and into the community. You have set up an almost perfect "win-win" situation—your community "wins" through your contributions, and you "win" by working for a company with great pay, wonderful benefits and satisfying work. Alas, if only the story ended here. The entrance of the "problem supervisor" tarnishes your perfect picture, and thus alters your experience of your ideal job.

Managing The Moment

The "Moment to Manage" is your feeling of resentment. Resentment is one of the most toxic—and dangerous emotions. Just as tiny, hot embers left in a fire pit can burn down a forest, resentment can subtract all the joy out of an otherwise fabulous life. The major issue here is not your supervisor; it is your reaction to him and the importance you allow him to have in your life.

The Game Plan

First, have compassion for yourself and your supervisor. It's not easy to spend time every day with a person you don't like. Compassion for yourself can help you keep your heart open in a tough situation like this one. Compassion for your supervisor can help you get to a place of "don't know"—you "don't know" the pressures he is under or the challenges he is facing. Given that you really don't know all the facts, it's just plain smart to trade compassion for resentment.

Second, manage your reaction to your supervisor. While it is true that you may never like this man, you can minimize the problem by maintaining a neutral attitude. By remaining neutral you can diminish the negative impact he has on you, allowing you to more fully engage in your work—which you love.

Third, be crisp and business like. Take charge of your relationship with your supervisor. Be friendly, but not "familiar." Avoid being passive; this often invites the worst out in people. Approach your boss with confidence and poise.

Finally, resist the impulse to think about him, resist all impulses to "process" your feelings about him and resist the impulse to talk about him. These are "no win" behaviors. "Stirring the pot" in a situation that is not likely to change will only lead to more stress. Stay focused and engaged on what you love and keep your mental and emotional investments in your boss to a minimum.