Dear Anne Marie: What is the best way to handle someone who doesn't listen? A direct report keeps making the same mistakes over and over gain. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to the wall! I don't want to resort to letting her go; she does contribute in her own way. But this has been going on for at least 6 months with no signs of getting better.
    — Donna G.

Managing The Moment

Dear Donna: You are a cheerful person who prefers to focus on what is right with the world. You don't allow little things to bring you down or spoil your good mood. You add drama and excitement to all your projects. If problems occur, you solve them quickly and then move forward. Looking backwards is not your style.

The "Moment to Manage" is your feeling of tolerance. Your natural impulse towards optimism is causing you to tolerate inappropriate behavior—behavior that, deep down, you find unacceptable. Soon your true feeling of anger will get the upper hand, prompting you to deliver a message that is honest but sorely lacking in care.

The Game Plan

First, validate your response to this situation. It is easy to feel like the "bad guy" when you must continually correct and instruct a person who fails to listen. Don't get caught in the trap of making yourself wrong when you are just doing your job. This will disempower you and enable the person making the mistakes.

Second, put all instructions in writing. Create written instructions for her and include a checklist. Direct her to follow the written instructions and check off each item after it has been completed. Have her give you her completed list on a daily or weekly basis.

Third, make sure your communication is clear and complete. Are you taking short cuts when you tell her what to do? Does she understand how her work fits into the big picture? By knowing not only what to do, but why it's important she can make better decisions and behave more responsibly.

Fourth, decide what you will do if she does not change. A very wise person once said, "When people show you who they are, believe them!" If you knew for a fact that your direct report would never change, how would you solve this problem?

Finally, have compassion for yourself and your direct report. This is an embarrassing and uncomfortable situation for everyone. A problem exists that has become chronic and it feels unsolvable. Be kind and respectful to yourself and your direct report as you screw on your courage and address this issue.