Dear Anne Marie: One of my co-workers comes to me for help all the time. It feels like I am working two jobs. I spend so much time helping him that I have to stay after hours just to get my work done. If I don't help him, my team's projects suffer. What can I do?
    —June B.

Dear June: You are kind, caring and easy to approach, which is probably why your co-worker feels so comfortable asking you for help. These are wonderful attributes that you don't want to change. The challenge is how to remain approachable and still set boundaries on your time.

Managing The Moment

The "Moment to Manage" is your feeling of "have to". When you feel like you "have to" do what others want, demand or request of you, your personal power takes a nosedive. If this reaction continues unchecked, you will soon be feeling like a victim as well. A "victimization" stance in life is the fast lane to no-where, so it is imperative to regain your sense of control over the current situation.

The Game Plan

First, take control over your time. Decide when you will be available to your co-worker, and when you will not be available. For example, "John, I am available between 9AM and 10AM and 2PM and 3PM". Further, tell him he must call before he comes to your office.

Second, teach him the concept of "batching". Tell your co-worker to keep a folder handy where he can gather his questions/requests. Whenever he doesn't know what to do or can't complete a task, he should slip it in the folder and continue on with his work. In this way, he "batches" together many requests, thereby interrupting you only once, vs. interrupting you for each request.

Third, make this a team problem. The project's success is everyone's responsibility, not just yours. When your co-worker brings his folder to you, make sure other team members are present. Together you can assess the problem, assist your co-worker and divide up whatever work may need to be done.

Finally, value your time and learn to say "no". You are working into the evening and using your personal time to complete your own work, missing out on precious family time. Additionally, not being able to say no to a request for help takes the fun out of being helpful. Therefore, choose to be available or not, based on your needs as well as those of your co-workers. By making these changes, you will be modeling the essence of responsible teamwork, while experiencing much more enjoyment in your job.