Dear Anne Marie: I am a successful business woman with two small children. I love my work and I love my children. The problem? I beat myself up for leaving my kids in day care 5 days a week, ruining an otherwise "perfect" life. How can I feel good about myself as a mother and work, too?
    —Marilyn J.

Dear Marilyn: Most likely you are a competent woman who applied passion, hard work and determination to earn the success you now value. It is completely understandable that you want to enjoy being a mother and enjoy your work, too.

Managing The Moment

The "Moment to Manage" is your feeling of guilt. Guilt is a signal from within designed to alert us when we have done something wrong. We then have the opportunity to correct our mistake and move on. You, on the other hand, have done nothing wrong, and yet you are feeling guilty. Guilt over an imaginary wrong can drag on indefinitely, leaving us exhausted and confused.

The Game Plan

First, get clarity immediately. Guilt skews your perception about yourself and the situation. It is imperative to defuse your guilt feelings so that you can clearly and accurately assess your situation. Begin to defuse your guilt by remembering and appreciating all the wonderful times you and your children have shared.

Second, obtain the facts surrounding your children's well being. Do your children like their day care? Do they have fun with the other children? Are they safe and well cared for? If the answer to these questions is "yes" then your kids are almost certainly doing fine! Just because you think your children should not be in day care does not mean your children are unhappy or unwell.

Third, have "special time" with your children. Children love undivided attention from their parents. During "special time" each child has the parent all to him or herself for 15 uninterrupted minutes each day. Make a commitment to being focused and don't accept interruptions during this time frame; your child will feel heard, loved and special. You will feel deeply rewarded for your efforts.

Fourth, attend to your work/life balance. Do you work a 40-hour work week or do you put in a lot of overtime? Are weekends reserved for family time? In short, are the boundaries between work and home crisp and clear or are they blurry? The clearer the boundaries the more secure you and your children will feel.

Finally, let go of the idea of "perfect". Being attached to doing things "perfectly" is like the perennial carrot-on-a-stick that can never be reached, but keeps you running. By deeply appreciating the moments you do have with your children, you will learn to be more present—and being present is the greatest gift of all.