The Moment: Loud People

Dear Anne Marie: My workstation is next to someone who talks very loudly. Every time he's on the phone or in a meeting, I hear every word. It's disruptive. I've mentioned this to him but it hasn't helped. And I think I may have offended him. I've avoided going to our manager because I don't want to appear to be nit-picky or get this fellow in trouble. Do I have any other alternatives?
    —Dennis A.

Dear Dennis: You value harmony and strive to resolve issues peacefully. You also cherish a calm, orderly work environment. How can you honor your need for a quiet atmosphere without alienating you co-worker?

Managing The Moment

The "Moment to Manage" is your feeling of edginess. You feel edgy because you can't focus with all the noise and because you believe you have offended your co-worker. Lastly, you feel anxious because you don't know how to solve this problem without getting him in trouble—an idea that is distasteful to you.

The Game Plan

First, adopt an "I don't know" attitude. Unless you co-worker told you he was upset by your honesty, you really don't know if he is. By adopting an "I don't know" attitude you release yourself from the anxiety created by your assumptions. What if he is not upset? How would that free you up in addressing this issue?

Second, pause when the loudness starts. Rather than push hard to try and keep working and ignore the noise, stop as soon as you notice the loudness is bothering you. Take a few breaths and calm yourself down.

Third, have compassion for yourself. You are being repeatedly distracted (one of the top causes of stress). Repeated distractions affect your nervous system, putting you at a disadvantage mentally, emotionally and physically.

Fourth, manage your emotions. Your emotions create internal noise in your system and that is "loudness" that you have control over. Begin by being more aware. Gently resist any thoughts and feelings that diminish your well-being.

Fifth, make this an office issue. At the next staff meeting address the impact of noise on productivity. Put everyone in the same boat—we all make noise and we all want to be productive. How can we help each other create a pleasant, supportive working environment?

Finally, allow the solution to emerge gradually. It will take a combination of everyone's efforts—over time—to bring an overall improvement in the situation. Cultivate patience and flexibility to add ease during this time of change.