The Moment: The Know-It-All

Dear Anne Marie: One of my co-workers is an unbearable know-it-all. I can't get two words out before he barges in with comments, answers, analysis and more. He asks questions, interrupts when I try to answer and then asks the same question again. Just five minutes with him and I am ready to pull out all my hair. If this keeps up I will be bald soon! Help!
   — Marla Z.

Dear Marla:
You possess high levels of self-awareness, an essential component for productive change. You know how to step back from a situation and check in with how you are feeling. You reflect on what is going on and why it is bothering you. This allows you to choose an appropriate response instead of being reactive.

Managing The Moment

The "Moment to Manage" is your feeling of exasperation. You want to finish your sentence and be heard. You try being patient but quickly succumb to frustration and then exasperation. From here you begin to compete for "air time" talking over him, interrupting him and explaining yourself again and again and again. You can't win when you play his game.

The Game Plan

First, don't label his behavior. You don't like his behavior so you label it "wrong" and then expect him to change. Change into what? Someone else? You can be sure that he will not show up tomorrow disguised as a reasonable, rational great listener. Your challenge is to accept him as he is and adjust your attitude—your peace of mind depends on it.

Second, don't compete with him. You may be tempted to interrupt him, talk over him, or talk louder than he does; anything just to get a word in. Don't do this; it will only exhaust you. You can't force someone to listen to you, so save your precious energy.

Third, communicate via e-mail. Written communication will give you the opportunity to eliminate much of the drama associated with face-to-face interactions. Keep your written communications succinct and factual and be sure to c.c. all relevant parties.

Fourth, compliment him every chance you get. While it may be admittedly difficult to do, look for some small, simple things about which you can sincerely compliment him. He is obviously starving for attention. By noticing his gifts and genuinely acknowledging them he may feel less "needy" and be more inclined to listen.

Finally, learn to shift gears quickly. Play hardball with yourself and immediately let go of any judgments, criticisms or frustration you feel after speaking with him. Move on promptly; otherwise, your relationship with this co-worker will dominate your day and affect other aspects of your job, neither of which you can afford.