Dear Anne Marie: One of my direct reports is experiencing a lot of personal problems. She is unable to concentrate, makes lots of mistakes and she is very short tempered with other staff. I offered to give her time off work so she could take care of herself, but she refused. She said she feels better if she comes to work. What should I do?
   — Evan Z.

Dear Evan: You are a caring and compassionate person. You seek solutions that address the needs of the individual, the staff as a whole and the work that needs to be done. Your approach to staff issues exemplifies a democratic and respectful style of management.

Managing The Moment

The "Moment to Manage" is your feeling of empathy. Empathy is an intense feeling of understanding and care. It allows people to feel safe and facilitates honest communication. However, taken to the extreme, empathy can cloud your thinking and make you feel responsible for other people's problems. Resist the impulse to rescue your employee and respect her enough to let her be in charge of her own difficulties. It's OK to be caring and still hold the bottom-line. Sometimes they are one and the same.

The Game Plan

First, stop "overcaring" about your employee. "Overcare" occurs when we add stress to our feelings of care. The stress in "overcare" shows up as anxiety, guilt, fear, urgency or insecurity. You care about your employee and you feel guilty that you want her to perform her job satisfactorily even though she is under emotional duress. Subtract out the guilt and address the needs of the situation with the healthy feeling of true care.

Second, talk to your supervisor. Be crisp and businesslike as you inform your supervisor of the challenges you are facing. Describe the problem and the impact it is having on your employee, other staff and on the work. Don't reduce your own credibility by being emotional and dramatic. State the facts clearly and kindly then ask for suggestions.

Third, put your whole team first. Do not compromise the integrity of your team or the standards of the work in order to meet the needs of one person. If you do, you will be letting your whole team down and your problems will multiply.

Fourth, with compassion, hold your employee accountable. It is an act of care to hold your employee accountable for her actions. She needs to either modify her behavior at work or take time off to recoup. Everyone benefits when the standard is upheld in a firm and caring manner.

Finally, make a distinction between your personal reactions and business issues. When your response to a business issue is overwhelmingly personal, you are reducing your effectiveness as a manager. You can still be a caring person, but you will be a more effective leader if you remember to make the distinction between your personal feelings and your strong business sense.