Dear Allan: You are a sensitive, intelligent man who recognizes the value of acknowledgement: noticing and appreciating the efforts of others. You understand that the respect and admiration of peers and bosses gives meaning to the many tasks that you do every day. Wanting acknowledgment is not synonymous with being "needy"; even independent, hard working men like you thrive when appropriately honored for your accomplishments.

Managing The Moment

The "Moment to Manage" is your feeling of self-pity. It is understandable that you would feel sorry for yourself when you don't get what you want; just be aware that it comes with a high price tag. The feeling of self-pity eventually shows up as 'pouting', which is not a pretty sight. Since you value the admiration of others, don't run the risk of losing it by pushing out your lower lip and sinking into a major sulk.

The Game Plan

First, acknowledge yourself and mean it. Stop and take the time to appreciate yourself, your efforts and your accomplishments. Earnestly attempt to feel appreciation. Just telling yourself you did a good job is not enough.

Second, make acknowledgments from others a fun "add on". Being acknowledged is a juicy experience, filling you with buoyancy and fresh energy. Conversely, needing (as opposed to wanting) appreciation weakens you, leaves you vulnerable to feelings of uncertainty about your value and brands you as "over sensitive".

Third, be aware of your expectations. Expectations are events we anticipate, either with hope or with dread. Trade both hope and dread for balance. Ask yourself, "What is a balanced point of view in this situation—one that will allow me to remain steady and solid?" Now feed that point of view!

Fourth, ask your boss for what you want. Know that not everyone feels compelled to share his or her thoughts with others. Your boss may be one of these people. What if your boss loves your work? What if you are his or her favorite employee? Avoid making assumptions and ask your boss for feedback on your projects.

Finally, feeling good is an inside job. Enjoy your friends and co-workers, but stop short of needing their approval in order to feel good about yourself.