Dear Anne Marie: I know I am supposed to love the holidays, but really, they are so exhausting! I have dozens of gifts to buy and so many people to try to please (not to mention all the parties and fattening food). I always end the year 5lbs overweight, broke, and have at least one person mad at me. Help!
   —Julie Z.

Dear Julie: You are a generous, caring person and you enjoy giving to others. Giving is not enough though; you want to please people, too. Thus you willingly invest large amounts of your time to achieve the results that you desire.

Managing The Moment

The "Moment to Manage" is your feeling of resistance. Your natural inclination to be generous overwhelms you during the holidays. Why? Because it is not possible to devote the time and energy for each gift, event and request as you'd like to. Being generous ceases to feel rewarding as you become tangled in the 'don't want to's'. ("I don't want to go to the party," "I don't want to shop after work," "I don't want to cook tonight," and so on.) You are now resisting doing the very things that you love and you're likely feeling guilty, as well.

The Game Plan

First, get back in touch with what is really motivating you: care. You want to please people because you care about them. True care is fun for the giver and the receiver. When the fun stops, the care shrinks. Find your true care to restore your enjoyment of giving.

Second, surrender the need for perfection. There is no such thing as the 'perfect gift' the 'perfect dinner' or the 'perfect holiday'. Allow your giving to come from your heart and surrender your expectations of the outcome. Let your love be enough—because it is!

Third, learn to say 'no' when you need to. It's impossible to meet all the demands made during the holidays. Your aim is to stay connected with your feelings of care, so say 'no' to any requests that leave you feeling cranky or anxious.

Fourth, make peace with what isn't peaceful. Everyone has an obnoxious relative or two who is perpetually annoying, irritating and exasperating. They are not going to change! Stop resisting who they are and don't take their behavior personally. Focus instead on what you appreciate about them while making peace with everything else.

Finally, take the significance out. Let the holiday be 'just a holiday'. Let it be fun and important but not overly important. It is not the end of the world if you don't get it right. After all, you'll get a chance to try again next year!